Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

Ask Me Anything


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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
Pretty damn miserable today

(Source: soworthloving, via i-choose-recovery)

"You are so inspiring! Cupcakes, lipstick, and recovery for you!" With love, Anonymous.

Thanks hon.  I am feeling the opposite of inspiring tonight :/

"Hi! I love your blog thanks it doing this! Odd question -- could you please post a list of your favourite lipsticks? They're so amazing (=^x^=)" With love, Anonymous.

Eek, thanks!! :}

From left to right:

  1. Stilla Custom Color Lip and Cheek Cream in Poppy
  2. Revlon Lip Crayon in Romantic
  3. MAC Lipglass in Viva Glam V
  4. Revlon Super Lustrous Lipstick in Plum
  5. Bite High Pigment Lip Pencil in Tart
  6. Albeit Matte Lip Pencil in Scarlet
  7. E.M. Michelle Phan in Hot Tangerine
  8. Fresh Sugar Tinted Lip Treatment in Passion

My go-to’s are #2, #4, and #6.

waitingforgodot0 replied to your post “I have many questions… 1) Do you plan on having kids sometime in the future? 2) What’s your favorite comfort food (besides cupcakes) 3) What’s your favorite kind of music? What are your favorite bands/artists? 4) Can you list some of your favorite movies? 5) Are you the kind of person that cries easily? For some reason I can’t help imagining you’d be too tough for that! Not that there’s anything wrong with it…”

omg, soon doo boo is one of my top comfort foods as well.

Really?!  I had some last night and it was like a warm hug in my tummy :)

"I have many questions... 1) Do you plan on having kids sometime in the future? 2) What's your favorite comfort food (besides cupcakes) 3) What's your favorite kind of music? What are your favorite bands/artists? 4) Can you list some of your favorite movies? 5) Are you the kind of person that cries easily? For some reason I can't help imagining you'd be too tough for that! Not that there's anything wrong with it..." With love, Anonymous.

Goodness, many questions!!

1) I am not sure about the whole kids thing, to be honest.  I’m neither one of those people who has always been certain that they will never want kids, nor one of those people who will feel incomplete without them.  I imagine wanting them sometime in the future.

2) Cupcakes aren’t so much of a comfort food for me— they’re more of a special treat!  My top comfort foods are probably soon doo boo (korean soft tofu stew), good toast with european style butter, oatmeal only the way my mom cooks it, and pasta of really any sort (plain with salt, tomato sauce, zaru soba, udon soup).

3) I’m mostly into indie rock, alternative, folk, punk, etc.  So basically a bunch of different things.  A few things that I’m really into right now are Neutral Milk Hotel (a favorite for 10 years), Arctic Monkeys, Alt-j, Walk the Moon, Portugal. the Man, and Metric.

4) Ummmm…. Idk!  I only really ever watch new movies when I’m with people.  I saw Boyhood this year and really loved it.  I also watched Say Anything and was surprisingly enchanted.

5) SO WRONG!!!  I cry all the time.  All the time.  It’s mortifying, lol.  I cried on my way home from a job interview during my senior year of college on the train and had to blow my nose on like 5 sheets of lined paper because I ran out of tissues and just couldn’t stop crying.  A man tried to give me the number of a suicide hotline as I got off!!!  I think the longest I’ve gone without crying is like 7 days.  I cried earlier today.  I’ll probably cry tomorrow.  One of my greatest wishes is a medication that would make it impossible for me to produce tears.  I even cry when I’m really mad!!  The rest of me is a tough cookie, but my eyes do NOT cooperate, no matter what I do.

(Source: hawhat, via raspberryfairy)

I keep having the thought of like, “Do I really need this food?  Couldn’t I just not have it and that would be fine, because I’m more comfortable with the idea of denying myself something?  Not every single other person on earth would choose to have this food at this time, so I shouldn’t have it either.” but like… an eating disorder literally a DEADLY ILLNESS.  

Every time I’m presented with this dilemma, I need to remind myself that every time I choose not to eat because it would feel comfortable and safe, I am actually choosing death.  Every single choice, every single time.  When it’s like, have some cookies or death, the choice seems a bit easier for me to make.  Just some thoughts…

"Hey I just wanted to say that I think you look incredibly gorgeous in your thrifted dress! 😍 it looks amazing on you! The colors compliment your skin tone" With love, Anonymous.

Aww, thanks so much hon. I appreciate it

Ootd: Betsey Johnson princess dress from the thrift store, extreme body dissatisfaction, and a bit of this morning’s coffee.

"You're so incredibly intelligent, it's such an inspiration!" With love, Anonymous.

Ahhh you’re too kind! Thank you

"What's your favorite childhood memory?" With love, Anonymous.

Probably visiting my grandparents in California when I was growing up. I have good feelings and a release of anxiety as soon as I get off the plane and smell the California air. It was really the only time we would get away from everything as a family. My grandparents liked things like going out to brunch and taking us to do stuff like the playground or the mall. I always feel like I’m living in their style when I treat myself to brunch. I remember every detail of their home; what was on every coffee table and the paintings on each wall. I feel sad that they are gone and that it’s a place and time that I’ll never be able to return to.

"Your hair is so pretty! Mine has been falling out... I have patches as large as a small pencil throughout my scalp. I've consulted a determatologist and he prescribed me a lotion, a vitamin supplement, and other medication to keep the hair loss in check. I'm trying to eat healthy as well... what else can I do, besides being patient (hard!)?" With love, Anonymous.

It sounds like you’ve taken a lot of good steps already! I would hesitate to suggest anything else to add because you have so many things that have been prescribed and are under the care of a doctor. Many people find that maki sure that they are getting enough fat in their diet is really important for hair health. Unfortunately this is probably something you will have to wait out. You can try to prevent things that naturally thin the hair, like split ends, by using deep conditioners on your ends of even coconut oil. You could also try volumizing products to make your hair look thicker. I would check all of these things with your doctor though. Have they looked at your hormone levels recently? Sometimes hormones and hair loss can be related, so again that would be something to check in with a doc about. Hope this helps! Continuing to eat enough is going to probably be critical!

"What did you study in undergrad/what do you want to study in grad school?" With love, Anonymous.

I have a degree in Biology and I studied pre-med as well.  I want to study genetic counseling in grad school but I’m still open to other options in allied health if I don’t get into a program this year.

I had a free birthday drink on my Starbucks card, so naturally I got the biggest one possible since it was free.  I’m really exhausted with the hours I’ve been working.  I just want a day to curl up in bed.  I have been having a lot of food, hunger, and body anxiety, although I haven’t been acting on it.  It sucks to have that in my day.

I had a free birthday drink on my Starbucks card, so naturally I got the biggest one possible since it was free. I’m really exhausted with the hours I’ve been working. I just want a day to curl up in bed. I have been having a lot of food, hunger, and body anxiety, although I haven’t been acting on it. It sucks to have that in my day.