Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

Ask Me Anything


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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
I’m boarding to fly back to Boston in 15 mins.  I’m not sure wether to call that home or this home.  In any case, they don’t feed me on the plane so I have a big Jamba smoothie to keep me going.  I love that BWI has yummy restaurants now and that they guarantee that the prices are the same as outside the airport.  It makes me feel a lot more comfortable that I can get a lot of different foods and food groups so I’m not stuck with only fast food, although sometimes I would still choose that.  I still think it’s super important to pack snacks though.

I’m boarding to fly back to Boston in 15 mins. I’m not sure wether to call that home or this home. In any case, they don’t feed me on the plane so I have a big Jamba smoothie to keep me going. I love that BWI has yummy restaurants now and that they guarantee that the prices are the same as outside the airport. It makes me feel a lot more comfortable that I can get a lot of different foods and food groups so I’m not stuck with only fast food, although sometimes I would still choose that. I still think it’s super important to pack snacks though.

Isn’t it pretty disordered for us to care so much about how much everyone else is eating or is being forced to eat?  I know the eating disorder cares deeply and it can be really easy to be pulled into when it becomes an intellectual debate.  If someone else’s intake posts are going to make you upset and have you question whether you’re recovering “correctly,” then you may wish to reconsider the material you view online.  I have mixed feelings about telling people to trust their medical professionals without question because I’ve received some appalling and harmful medical care for my eating disorder over the years, but at the same time no one’s blog should be telling you what to eat.

Making your own judgement calls based on scientific data is tricky for those without a high level of scientific literacy and eating disorders can convince us to hear what we want to hear.  I feel like the medical system needs to overhaul the way they treat eating disorders and use a more evidence-based approach, but where does that leave everyone else in the meantime?  Care can often be spotty.  My ideal situation ended up being in a good relationship with a very competent nutritionist who was just as much of a skeptic and a scientist as I am.  But that’s extremely hard to find (it took me four failed nutritionists) and doesn’t work for anyone.

I know that with recovery, people often feel like they have to throw themselves headlong into what they’re doing because questioning it would mean opening up a door for the ED thoughts to get in.  It becomes deeply personal because criticizing someone on a personal level for what they’re doing can really shake the forward momentum that they’ve built up and question what they are forcing to be their core beliefs in order to get through the day.

These are just a few of my thoughts on everything.  

(Source: interlapse, via badhabitofmine)

OOTD… fancy to fly.  I’m going to the airport this afternoon to fly back to Mass. after visiting my family.  I survived the visit!

OOTD… fancy to fly.  I’m going to the airport this afternoon to fly back to Mass. after visiting my family.  I survived the visit!

"Your shoes look absolutely fine! I wouldn't have noticed they were out of place or anything at all. In fact I'm quite jealous ;) I actually get really annoyed when I see people walking round in £2 which will ruin their feet. Much better to be comfy. I wear big-ass trainers with jeans all the time and no-one says anything :) xx" With love, Anonymous.

Thank you friend :)

I really appreciate the message!

just personal stuff

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Fact #57

regainingmydreams:

disorderedfacts:

The scene: a cocktail party. Enter disordered person, family member and acquaintance. They greet each other happily. The acquaintance claps eyes on the disordered person.

"You look so-" they begin. The disordered person’s head snaps around and their eyes narrow.

"No," a family member whispers in horror. "No, you musn’t-"

But it’s too late. “- healthy!” The acquaintance finishes. 

"No," the family member says again, uselessly. The disordered person opens their mouth and unleashes a torrent of pure flame, catching the acquaintance alight. 

"They didn’t mean you look fat, they just meant-” the family member, but the disordered person has grown long, jagged claws, and has begun shrieking. People are fleeing in terror. 

"IT WAS TO DO WITH YOUR HAIR," the family member shouts over the sound of the fire alarm and the acquaintance’s screaming. "YOUR SKIN. YOUR SMILE. PLEASE STOP BREAKING THE FURNITURE."

The disordered person swallows an entire chair as their second head begins to grow. Carnage. Utter desolation. The curtains are ablaze and have been ripped from their hangers, swirling around the disordered person in an angry fiery vortex. Canapes lie scattered on the floor, cream cheese mingling with blood. The smooth jazz quartet are still playing, but their timing is questionable at best.

Haha oh my gosh this is literally the best. 

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I love the grey ones. If you want to dress them up a bit, try black (or another dark color) laces. I think white laces tend to make sneakers feel more casual. They really are cute, though. :)

Perfect idea is perfect!  The current ones are like a light gray.

That awkward moment when your body obsessions and dysmorphia suddenly focus intently on your shoes/feet/socks.  When it’s not weight/shape it’s sneakers?  Really, brain?

Sorry about everything guys :/

I can’t entirely explain it entirely.

"Look up Senator Wendy Davis and her awesome shoes!" With love, Anonymous.

I love Wendy Davis and I watched the livestream of her filibuster as everything went down.  If I was doing things as important as she was, maybe I’d feel okay about the sneakers.  But I’m not.

"I'm glad u decided to keep the sneakers! I know that whenever I see people with jobs that involve being on their feet a lot, I don't begrudge them comfy footwear at all! Everyone who'll see u will totally understand that the shoes are part of ur job & comfort & not to make a fashion statement:) also, I feel awkward wearing sneakers with jeans too & I found that I like them alot better if I roll up my jeans a couple times?(Just something easy u can try & see if u like! &btw I love the blue ones!)" With love, Anonymous.

I now I feel like everyone is going to be looking at me and just thinking about my job and how it’s sad that I have to look awkward for my profession rather than looking at me and thinking that my outfit is cute or whatever.  It’s not like the kind of job where people are like, you’re wearing scrubs so of course you can wear sneakers or you’re working outside or something.  Can I just be invisible yet please :(

I’m sorry.  I really appreciate your kindness.  I’m being ridiculous.

"Regarding your sneakers post, I think the blue ones could actually look really cute paired with the right dress/skirt. Plus, if you're to be on your feet all day, no one will judge you for trying to stay comfy! Cheers love" With love, Anonymous.

Thank you!! xx

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darkestnation replied to your post: I am having a wee freak out because my…

My friends and a lot of people in work I know wear sneakers with non-sporty clothes. Your health is more important than style. Care to model for us?

Haha, sure!

I decided to keep them afterall.  I’m just going to deal with my discomfort with the idea of them.  Thanks to everyone who put up with my ridiculous freak out.  Here are the gray shoes, and I’ve worn them out of the house so I can’t return them now!  I don’t usually wear jeans…

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B made me a mixtape and he said that this was the song that was the with the most important message for me on it:

Well I met an old man dying on a train.
No more destination, no more pain.
Well he said one thing, before I graduate
"Never let your fear decide your fate."

I say ya kill your heroes and fly, fly, baby don’t cry.
No need to worry ‘cause, everybody will die.
Every day we just go, go, baby don’t go.
Don’t you worry we love you more than you know.

Well the sun one day will
Leave us all behind.
Unexplainable sightings
In the sky.
Well I hate to be
The one to ruin the night.
Right before your, right before your eyes.

Well I met an old man dying on a train.
No more destination, no more pain.
Well he said one thing, before I graduate
"Never let your fear decide your fate."

The Nightly Cute Report: Day 11

The Nightly Cute Report: Day 11

(via badhabitofmine)