Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
"Look up Senator Wendy Davis and her awesome shoes!" With love, Anonymous.

I love Wendy Davis and I watched the livestream of her filibuster as everything went down.  If I was doing things as important as she was, maybe I’d feel okay about the sneakers.  But I’m not.

"I'm glad u decided to keep the sneakers! I know that whenever I see people with jobs that involve being on their feet a lot, I don't begrudge them comfy footwear at all! Everyone who'll see u will totally understand that the shoes are part of ur job & comfort & not to make a fashion statement:) also, I feel awkward wearing sneakers with jeans too & I found that I like them alot better if I roll up my jeans a couple times?(Just something easy u can try & see if u like! &btw I love the blue ones!)" With love, Anonymous.

I now I feel like everyone is going to be looking at me and just thinking about my job and how it’s sad that I have to look awkward for my profession rather than looking at me and thinking that my outfit is cute or whatever.  It’s not like the kind of job where people are like, you’re wearing scrubs so of course you can wear sneakers or you’re working outside or something.  Can I just be invisible yet please :(

I’m sorry.  I really appreciate your kindness.  I’m being ridiculous.

"Regarding your sneakers post, I think the blue ones could actually look really cute paired with the right dress/skirt. Plus, if you're to be on your feet all day, no one will judge you for trying to stay comfy! Cheers love" With love, Anonymous.

Thank you!! xx

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darkestnation replied to your post: I am having a wee freak out because my…

My friends and a lot of people in work I know wear sneakers with non-sporty clothes. Your health is more important than style. Care to model for us?

Haha, sure!

I decided to keep them afterall.  I’m just going to deal with my discomfort with the idea of them.  Thanks to everyone who put up with my ridiculous freak out.  Here are the gray shoes, and I’ve worn them out of the house so I can’t return them now!  I don’t usually wear jeans…

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B made me a mixtape and he said that this was the song that was the with the most important message for me on it:

Well I met an old man dying on a train.
No more destination, no more pain.
Well he said one thing, before I graduate
"Never let your fear decide your fate."

I say ya kill your heroes and fly, fly, baby don’t cry.
No need to worry ‘cause, everybody will die.
Every day we just go, go, baby don’t go.
Don’t you worry we love you more than you know.

Well the sun one day will
Leave us all behind.
Unexplainable sightings
In the sky.
Well I hate to be
The one to ruin the night.
Right before your, right before your eyes.

Well I met an old man dying on a train.
No more destination, no more pain.
Well he said one thing, before I graduate
"Never let your fear decide your fate."

The Nightly Cute Report: Day 11

The Nightly Cute Report: Day 11

(via badhabitofmine)

"How do you feel about people who suffer from anorexia or bulimia but don't fit the stereotype of that disorder? Like what are your thoughts and opinions on it/them?" With love, Anonymous.

I’m not sure why I would have any thoughts or opinions about them aside from compassion and wanting them to be able to get help and support?  

I feel like it must be especially challenging to get support when you don’t fit people’s ideas of what eating disorders look like or who suffers from them.  There are a lot of different stereotypes that people have about who gets these disorders, as well as how their disorders play out.  There are a lot of cultural complexities that come into play as well as clinicians who may have their own biases.  People can be neglected and not receive the treatment that they need.  I think that people who suffer from eating disorders and who don’t fit the stereotypes deserve the support of the entire community, as well receiving support for having their voices heard.  Adding these stories to the narrative of the understanding of eating disorders is absolutely critical.

hello-highways answered your post: I am having a wee freak out because my…

Maybe go back and see if there are other comfortable shoes you can exchange them for that you would feel better wearing?

I literally looked at every shoe in the store and since it was a sports place, these were the only ones I felt even vaguely okay with. D:

I am having a wee freak out because my mom generously bought me two pairs of expensive sneakers to wear to work in because standing for 8 hours a day without sitting is killing my feet and back but HIDEOUS and EMBARRASSED when I wear sneakers.  I think it goes back to middle school when I had really ugly white sneakers and they looked awful with everything.  And everyone teased me for how ugly and awkward I was.  My style is not sporty at all so I feel like they are going to look weird and dumb with everything.  I have nothing to wear them with and they are going to make me look dumb and clunky and awkward.  I feel guilty also because they are expensive and I will feel terrible if I don’t wear them and I already feel terrible just because she bought them for me.  I want to go return them right now but if I end up needing to get sneakers later, I’ll have to buy them with my own money and I can’t afford that.  So I am panicking and crying about sneakers.  Like, I can’t wear t-shirts to work so everything is going to look too formal to go with sneakers without looking terrible.  I mostly wear dresses.  This is awful and I’m an ungrateful brat.

Should I keep these?  What should I do?

"You are the best, the smartest, the most mature, the most beautiful" With love, Anonymous.

Thanks hon :)  

I wouldn’t say I’m the “most” of any of these things but I really appreciate your kind words. <3

(Source: gastrogirl, via badhabitofmine)

itsbetterthananal:

im waiting for the day i can use this as a reaction image and confuse everyone for a good 5-30 seconds before they get it

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I actually own this exact bra and my boyfriend was so excited about it that he convinced me to let him post about it on reddit with a photo.  It’s not the kind of excited response I really was anticipating when I took my shirt off.
And that’s my story of the day.

(via belyenochi)

"Your blog makes recovery look realistic. Thank you for your honesty" With love, Anonymous.

Thank you so much for this message.  It’s really what I aim for and I appreciate so much that you feel this way and sent me this kind message. <3 <3

"You are such a beautiful person in every single way." With love, Anonymous.

Oh, goodness.  Thank you.

"I don't have an ed, but my sister does and i'm curious, do people with anorexia feel hunger? I get the impression they do but not in the same way, like is it just a feeling you don't associate with eating?" With love, Anonymous.

I think you might get a different answer to this depending on who you ask and what phase of disease they’re in.  In my experience, it’s both.  I’m sure every person has a slightly different experience.  Physically, my hunger disappeared but it was all my mind could think about.  I spent hours online looking at food blogs or recipes and planning out things that I would never eat.  I also had dreams and nightmares about eating large amounts of food.

 It also depends on what part of the illness you are in.  Many people experience hunger for a while, but after a certain point the hunger stops as the body shuts down.  A slowed metabolism decreases hunger signals, and it also decreases everything else the body does.  Also, the strong feelings of anxiety about eating/food/the body seem to overwhelm the mind and block out the hunger.  The feeling of hunger can incite panic, which can make one adverse to eating.  Eventually someone can feel like hunger and eating are not connected the way they are for most people.

 Getting hunger cues back is an important part of recovery and hunger can be kind of unpredictable when people begin to refeed.  During recovery someone might experience both underactive hunger and extreme hunger as the body tries to readjust to eating, digesting, and metabolizing.  Again, these are just one person’s experiences.

If you’re interested in learning more about the physical and psychological impacts of starvation or semi-starvation, you might want to read about the Minnesota Starvation Experiment.  Wishing you and your sister all the best <3