Thank you lovely, so do you. <3
I’m so glad to hear that you’re in recovery. It’s really normal to struggle, especially in the day-to-day when motivations tend to waver. What I mean is that it is absolutely my intent to one day live a life without an eating disorder. I first got sick when I was 14 and was in complete remission for many years before relapsing, so I know what life is possible without all of this. I also grew up with a mother who has had an eating disorder for my entire life and that is one of my top motivations to change things for myself. Living that way forever is not what I want for my life and I have seen what it looks like in the long-run.
Things may waver day-to-day and I’m not perfect, but I know recovery is the answer. I know that recovered life may not always make me happy, but I also have enough experience with this hell to know that my eating disorder will NEVER make me happy, no matter what lies it tells me. It’s a vow to take leaps of faith when it comes to scary things in recovery.
It’s a commitment to one day live a different life and do what it takes to get there.
Not rude at all! It is a disorder where you compulsively pick at your skin either with fingers or other items and it usually causes damage to the skin and tissue. It’s related to OCD and is frequently seen in people who have anxiety disorders and BDD. I tend to get really focused in on my skin and imperfections in it. For me, it’s partly a response similar to self harm in anxiety management and partly just something that I find myself doing accidently. I can use different coping skills to deal with the first part, and I avoid situations where I am likely to accidentally pick to deal with the second part. For example, I always wear long PJ pants when I’m home alone and going to bed because seeing my legs when I’m in bed about to go to sleep can trigger the picking. Overall, it’s not something that tends to get in the way of my life or cause physical damage anymore. When I was younger, I would do it literally for hours without realizing the time had gone by and I seriously damaged my skin/caused infections.
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder since I was about 11, then dermatillomania and trichotillomania about the same age. I struggle with the last two MUCH less now. I also have several “specific phobias” which apparently often come along with general anxiety disorder. For years I was diagnosed with depression, but last year my doctor decided that bipolar 2 was probably my actual diagnosis. I feel like everything is pretty related, rather than being entirely separate in causation. Like, the same things have manifested differently in terms of symptoms over time.
sigh sigh sigh
Thanks so much! This was such a wonderful message to receive. I feel so blessed to have people like you supporting me. <3
I occasionally do an ombre thing to it, and I did one about a month ago, I think. It tends to lighten over time after I color it though :)
Congratulations on the work you’ve done to get here! If you’re still binging and having food on your mind all the time, it might be a sign that something needs to change. If you’re recovering from a disorder where you experienced binging and purging, like bulimia, it might be that you’ve been able to stop the purging behaviour but still need more treatment to also deal with the bingeing. Binging is a serious behavior for many people to overcome. For people recovering from restrictive eating disorders who have been undernourished and/or underweight, the urge to binge and obsession with food can be biological responses to a starvation state. A few months into recovery, these things should be resolving but it might take more time. If they’re not, it might be a sign that your intake or weight are too low, or that you need to do some psychological work to get your mind to leave that place. Restrictive eating disorders also consist of coping mechanisms involving food, so sometimes new coping mechanisms relating to food can also emerge and need to be handled. Overall, if you’re still experiencing these things, it’s important to bring them up with whoever is treating you. Obsession with food and binging are still signs of disordered eating, even if other parts or previous parts of your disorder are now under control.
Thanks! The boots are from Target, fleece lined tights from Urban Outfitters, the dress is BCBGMaxAzria and I got it at Goodwill, the blazer is by Gap and I got that at the thrift store too. :)
Thanks hon! I got the results back and I have no fractures, and my aorta is good— no tears. The dye was really funny. I didn’t feel it go in so much, but they certainly weren’t kidding about it making you feel like you’d wet your pants, and that you were warm all over. It only lasted like a minute though! Thanks for your kind thoughts <3
:D me too hon! I’m having a good night in after a long week of work, class, and having the boyfriend stay over for the week. It’s so nice to have some alone time to relax and turn off my need to take care of others. Oh, and I found out that I did better than I had expected on my exam and problem set for biochemistry! Hope you’re having a lovely night too <3
I am not such a fan of this question, but I discussed the topic in this recent post.
It’s possible that I’m eating less than I think. I am pretty sure that this was true for a while, because my boyfriend was eating with me a lot of the time and he verified that for me. Recently though, he hasn’t perceived that to be true. We eat together a lot of the time. Since I lost insurance access to my nutritionist, I don’t have an outside opinion and I associate food logs with being sick (so I hate doing them). I’m going to keep some logs to share with my nutritionist for our one-time appointment this Thursday.
I don’t need to be in a hospital. I am medically stable, not using symptoms, emotionally stable, and am not at a dangerously low weight or really a particularly low weight at all.
Mentally, I’m in a very different place than I was last year. At that point, I was struggling so hard with the idea of gaining to a really healthy place. I wanted to stay *exactly put* at the weight I was and every pound gained was excruciating. Right now I want to be gaining. I am frustrated that I’m not gaining.
I don’t consider this a relapse at all. I had a lapse about a month ago, but there is nothing about my current behaviors that means that I am relapsing.
Thank you for the good wishes!
No, I was dating someone for 7.5 years, and that ended in August. I just started a new relationship this past week. It’s hard because sometimes I feel like I’m really making the wrong choices and I’m not sure if that’s normal doubt or intuition. This person isn’t perfect but they make me really happy. I feel awful for giving up the life I was supposed to have with my ex and he is still very much in love with me. I feel like maybe that was “meant to be” and then I just couldn’t make myself feel what I needed to feel. It’s all a bit messy and I probably shouldn’t be dating anyone right now, but we care about each other very much and things just sort of fell into place.
LOL. That would be the worst. Thank god for Nuva Ring so I don’t have to put up with that shit.