I definitely understand feeling this way. It’s always hard to bring everything back out for a new person, no matter if they’re a different therapist or just a new member of your treatment team. It can seem overwhelming and unpleasant to bring these things back up. To start, you don’t have to get through everything in the first session. I find that it’s helpful to first establish a timeline for someone. I’ll actually write down my story in bullet form from “beginning” to now in order. This gets my thoughts in order before the appointment and helps me get through it without becoming too emotionally involved. You can think of this first visit as the beginning of an outline; one that you’ll be filling in with this new therapist for a long time in the future. You also don’t need to get too much into the emotional stuff if you don’t want to. If you’d prefer to outline things in a more matter-of-fact way and then get to the hard feelings later, that’s perfectly okay. It’s impossible to convey the complexity of your experiences in a session or a few sessions. However, working with someone new can help you to reframe a lot of your past experiences in a new way, which can be very helpful.
You can also tell your new therapist about how you’re feeling. Some people won’t want you to retell all your details right away. You can start with where you’re at right now and go from there as you’re comfortable. If you have the opportunity, you can have someone else, like your old therapist or someone who has treated you, provide this therapist with a history so you won’t have to re-tell so much.
Hope this helps and best wishes with the new therapist!
Someone at ERC used to tell me this all the time. Thank you, universe, for the reminder.
Last night I thought I kissed the loneliness from out your belly button. I thought I did, but later you sat up, all bones and restless hands, and told me there is a knot in your body that I cannot undo. I never know what to say to these things. “It’s okay.” “Come back to bed.” “Please don’t go away again.” Sometimes you are gone for days at a time and it is all I can do not to call the police, file a missing person’s report, even though you are right there, still sleeping next to me in bed. But your eyes are like an empty house in winter: lights left on to scare away intruders. Except in this case I am the intruder and you are already locked up so tight that no one could possibly jimmy their way in. Last night I thought I gave you a reason not to be so sad when I held your body like a high note and we both trembled from the effort.
Some people, though, are sad against all reason, all sensibility, all love. I know better now. I know what to say to the things you admit to me in the dark, all bones and restless hands. “It’s okay.” “You can stay in bed.” “Please come back to me again."
This is so sad and incredibly relavant.
Reblogging for B.
"I got a fan letter from a young lady. It was a suicide note.
So I called her, and I said, "Hey, this is Jimmy Doohan. Scotty, from Star Trek." I said, "I’m doing a convention in Indianapolis. I wanna see you there."
I saw her — boy, I’m telling you, I couldn’t believe what I saw. It was definitely suicide. Somebody had to help her, somehow. And obviously she wasn’t going to the right people.
I said to her, "I’m doing a convention two weeks from now in St. Louis." And two weeks from then, in somewhere else, you know? She also came to New York - she was able to afford to got to these places. That went on for two or three years, maybe eighteen times. And all I did was talk positive things to her.
And then all of the sudden — nothing. I didn’t hear anything. I had no idea what had happened to her because I never really saved her address.
Eight years later, I get a letter saying, "I do want to thank you so much for what you did for me, because I just got my Master’s degree in electronic engineering.”
That’s…to me, the best thing I’ve ever done in my life.”
I have been diagnosed with general anxiety disorder since I was about 11, then dermatillomania and trichotillomania about the same age. I struggle with the last two MUCH less now. I also have several “specific phobias” which apparently often come along with general anxiety disorder. For years I was diagnosed with depression, but last year my doctor decided that bipolar 2 was probably my actual diagnosis. I feel like everything is pretty related, rather than being entirely separate in causation. Like, the same things have manifested differently in terms of symptoms over time.
I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve been suffering so badly and I’m very proud of you for deciding that you need to find a way to stop. Thank you for following my blog and please let me know if I can support you in any way <3 <3 <3
My sleep report for last night
My psychiatrist told me that getting good quality sleep was going to be very important for managing my mood, and that my lamictal can interfere with my sleeping. I just downloaded the Sleep Cycle app for my iPhone, which monitors your movements during sleep to determine your cycles into deep sleep and the overall quality of sleep that you’re getting.
It will develop graphs over time, and you can add categories like “did yoga before bed” or “took a melatonin supplement” to the Sleep Notes category and use a graph to compare the sleep you get with and without those conditions. You can also chart your mood when you wake up.
It will also keep track over time of how much sleep you’re getting per night, and seeing changes in your sleep pattern can be a cue that you might be cycling into hypomania or depression.
The alarm function is pretty cool too. You give it a range of time in which it can wake you up— from like 10-30 mins, and it will wake you up at the most gentle part of your sleep cycle at some point during that period.
It sounds like a good first step would be establishing a relationship with a therapist or psychiatrist. You can express your questions about your diagnosis to them and they can do an up-to-date evaluation. It often takes time to tease out whether someone is experiencing depression or bipolar 2, in particular. It often takes a longer term relationship with a treatment professional who can speak with you over time and come to know you.
In terms of treatment, there are some medications that work better for bipolar depression than unipolar depression and vis versa. There is often a lot of overlap in terms of therapy— cognitive behavioral therapy can be helpful for both, as well as eating disorders. A therapist or psychiatrist can suggest other treatments like dialectical behavioral therapy or eating disorder programs that deal with comorbid disorders.
Overall, it often takes time to get an accurate diagnosis, and developing a relationship with a professional who you feel connected with can help with diagnosis and treatment. Wishing you all the best in this fight <3