Anatomy of Recovery

I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

Ask Me Anything

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.

Lately I haven’t felt like a person with an eating disorder.

Is it a trick?

I’m just so tired of my knee-jerk, overblown, self-blame, self-hate response to literally everything.
I really wish there was a simple tag related to adult eating disorders where we could talk about adulting with ed/recovery


Maybe we/I should make one?  Is anyone else interested in this?

How about EDulting as suggested by muchwillbedemanded?  That’s currently pretty empty empty.  Reblog to get out the word?

This is the largest study that has ever been conducted to examine the genetic basis of anorexia.  Their goal is to collect 25k samples by 2016 from anyone who has ever been diagnosed with Anorexia Nervosa at some point in their life.  There are branches of the study in the US, Denmark, Sweden, Australia, and the UK to meet this goal.

I donated my DNA to this study about 6 months ago because there have been three generations of eating disorders in my family and I want to fund research so we can understand why this happens and how I can minimize the risks for my potential children.

Click the link to find more about how to donate your DNA and whether you are eligible to participate by answering questions about your eating disorder history.

I think this is a really cool thing to be a part of :)

Okay, so today was awful.  Awful, really, really bad.  I feel like a totally ineffectual human.  I finally got a call back from Occupational Health about my pre-hire appointment, when I am supposed to get my tb test and physical.  I gave them my availability about 2 weeks ago but this is the first time they have called me and basically said, ” well, we can only see you this Friday but we can’t do your TB test then, so you’ll have to pay to get it done somewhere else today, otherwise you’ll have to push back your start date.”  They told me that all CVS pharmacies did TB tests (this is false) then when I convinced her she was wrong, she gave me the address for one with a minute clinic.  Too bad it was the wrong address.  I was on the phone trying to work things out with them all morning and all through my lunch break.  I left early from work to get there in time and even took a cab so I could be sure to get in since it’s a walk-in.  My cab dropped me off in entirely the wrong spot, and so I ended up walking lost and alone down the side of the highway.  I tried to see if I could walk to the correct address but it was 3.3 miles away and I couldn’t get another cab.  So I tried literally all day to get this fixed and I failed hardcore.  I now have two more things to do in the two most impossible weeks after wasting my one evening of time that I was going to use to get groceries.  So, I have no food here.

Part of me feels this incredible need to self harm and punish myself for my failings and part of me feels like I deserve to buy myself something from Lush or another treat because things have been so hard.  IDK.

If you post blatant pro-ed or pro-self harm material in the recovery tag intentionally I will report your blog, no questions asked.

At least I took a shower today?

At least I took a shower today?

I love that bloating in recovery/ bloating anorexia/ anything involving bloating and eating disorders are the most common search terms that lead people to my tumblr.  Lol.

"I have a recovery question. I used to have bulimia and now i struggle with eating enough. When i've had a bad week and I keep the food down that I eat (it's gone from b/p cycles to normal food/p cycles) I actually get really exhausted after eating a meal, and sometimes even feel feverish. Is this normal? Or is this well... not normal? To be exhausted while digesting food that is. (sometimes it gives me energy, but most of the time, it does not.)" With love, Anonymous.

It sounds like you really need to be seeing a nutritionist and physician who can assess what’s going on with your body because it sounds like things are pretty dangerous.  Sometimes people with a nutritional deficit feel really tired and sluggish after meals because the body is working hard to digest the food and send it to where it is needed the most.  So, it can be normal in the sense that your body is trying to protect you but abnormal in that your body might be needing to protect you from the harm that you are causing it.  There’s also the risk of electrolyte imbalances and dangerous fluid shifts in this situation that could be involved.  It’s impossible to know whether this is true for you unless you see a doctor about it.  I’d urge you to do so as soon as possible because balancing your intake safely could be difficult.

Excuse my fails at sassiness.  Today was a long day.

Transitions are hard.  Like, really hard for me.  I have 13 days left at my current job right now.  I didn’t really stand up for my needs because I didn’t want to screw over my coworkers and so now I’m working in the evenings while I train for my new job in a few weeks.  All this is boring, I guess.  I feel like learning to live is just as much a part of recovery as fear foods and weigh-ins but no one probably wants to hear about it.  I had crepes for breakfast for no particular reason except that I felt like it.  I’m approved for accommodations to take the GRE.

Me to the boyfriend: Ahhh accidently on a thinspo blog,
Boyfriend: Oh no, but that's more than 10 numbers for a phone number.
Me: It's thinspo. None of the numbers are real.

Life etc.

I can’t wait until I have a normal schedule at my new job.  I really feel like I need that in order to move forward with my mental and physical health.  Tomorrow is bogo frappuccino day, so there’s always that to look forward to…

Customer sized for an item which I warn them runs really small…Is sized as my size, coincidentally… Gets upset… Says she guesses she needs to start throwing up or something… Then says people who wear the smallest size must be freaks.
Good job, customer. You win my shit of the day award!

So, what if I never want to wear an underwire bra again?  Like, even when my boobs get bigger?  I feel like not wearing one actually decreases my pain level.

"I hate myself so effing much! I am always too lazy, too sloppy, too slow... I want to give up!" With love, Anonymous.

Hey hon, I really don’t want you to give up!  You are so valued.  I know what it feels like to feel that way, I really do.  It isn’t going to feel like this forever.  I know that it seems like too much to keep pushing and trying, but you can do it and you are worth it.  Even if you can’t love or respect yourself right now, hang on to the fact that everyone who has gone through this has felt this way and that things have gotten better.  Try to treat yourself the way you would treat a friend and be kind to yourself.  I know it’s hard.  You can do this.  I believe in you.