Anatomy of Recovery

I'm Jules, a 22 year old recent college graduate. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
Look at this lil cupcake cutie!  My coworker brought them in from Flour bakery cafe in Boston.

Look at this lil cupcake cutie! My coworker brought them in from Flour bakery cafe in Boston.

I have successfully purchased the most hated item of clothing from the thrift store: shorts.  Now I just have to wear them.  I only owned two pairs of shorts before today.

"I've often wondered if you get freaking sick of receiving ask after ask about is it okay that I ate x calories?" With love, Anonymous.

I mean, I don’t love to talk about it necessarily and I pretty much always give the same answers but I understand that it can be really important for people to hear these things, sometimes over and over.  I’ve always wanted to make people feel better and supported.  Even if it’s repetitive and sometimes not my favorite thing, I’m willing to do it.  But yeah, if I’m in a grumpy mood, I do a little.  I’d love to say that I never do but that’s just not the case and I’m not perfect.  I try to just wait until I’m in a more compassionate and peaceful place in order to answer.

I just enjoyed a brief restorative yoga practice (wearing just my panties, of course) between work and my much-needed nap.  I am in love with my yoga brick.  There are very few things in this earthly plane of existence that feel as good as stretching my back with my yoga brick.

I just enjoyed a brief restorative yoga practice (wearing just my panties, of course) between work and my much-needed nap.  I am in love with my yoga brick.  There are very few things in this earthly plane of existence that feel as good as stretching my back with my yoga brick.

I always end up posting the disordered thoughts that are currently bugging me at like 3 AM and then turning the posts to private before people see them and think poorly of me or are triggered.  I feel like this sucks.

Currently freaking the fuck out because I have looked at my BostonChildren’s online portal that tells you all the reports, labs, and measurements from all your visits and mine all say “Nutritional Deficiency (active), Anxiety (active), Connective tissue disorder (Active)” and not Anorexia Nervosa, even though I guess I don’t currently fit the criteria but that’s because I’m in recovery, not because I don’t have anorexia.  I’m not sure why this fucking matters to me but it really quite does.  Also, the measure my height slightly differently every time and then make my BMI based off of my height differently every time!


"Can you provide some advice on how to be okay with wearing summer clothes now that the weather is changing? I have been under an immense amount of stress thinking about how I cant hide in my baggy clothes over the summer because it will be too warm." With love, Anonymous.

I wouldn’t want to advocate you hiding under clothing, but I think it’s fine to find summer clothing that you’re more comfortable in.  Wear things that allow you to experience the joys of summer without being constantly thinking about your body.  You can try babydoll dresses, flowy lace tops, maxi skirts and dresses, and floaty summer skirts.  Everyone is different, but I found that I was really uncomfortable in shorts and tight dresses but quite comfortable in dresses that were fitted in the chest and then flared out or in flowy boho styles.  I can post some ideas if you’d like— just send another ask and I’ll put up some links?  Find some things that you actually like and think are pretty, too.

It’s going to take some time for you to get used to wearing less clothing in general.  You may find that comfort will increase with time.  To some degree, everyone else is also feeling the same way.  Remember that people are going to be more concerned with their own bodies than they are with yours.  Hope this helps!

"HI Odd question here, can anorexia recovers have a flat tummy? I am exercising (It has been approved) but i wonder how long it may take to see a difference in my tummy, i am doing exercise that focuses on that are. Any advice would be great" With love, Anonymous.

Is this the same person who keeps asking me questions about tummy flatness, bloating, and exercise?  There’s no reason that someone who has recovered can’t have a flat tummy, if that’s how their body naturally acts.  Anorexia won’t permanently alter what your body type is, although weight redistribution can take up to a year.  Some people will never have a flat tummy at a healthy weight, others will.  Pretty much no one has a flat tummy 100% of the time because there’s food and organs in there.  It is meant to expand in response to food.  It’s impossible to spot-reduce fat, but if your core muscles are wasted away from anorexia, it may end up looking different over time.  Again, I don’t really give advice about exercise and body toning aside from using yoga as a wellness tool.

I’m sorry if this response comes across as rude; I certainly don’t intend it that way.  I understand really wanting your stomach to be flat, and that might happen, but I think that focusing to this extent on altering your body could get in the way of some of the mental work of recovery.  Best wishes <3

"[ed tw!] so I've been doing pretty well lately but the other day my significant other told me that they've essentially been restricting for a while now "accidentally-on-purpose" and I'm really worried, but they don't think it's a problem. I've been dealing with ed stuff for like 5 years, and I know there's no such thing as not a problem. But it's also kind of triggering for me, especially since they're smaller than me. And I feel bad and very conflicted and I just wanted to tell someone." With love, Anonymous.

Oh, hon.  That sounds like a really difficult and painful situation to be in, although I’m really glad to hear that you’ve been doing well lately.  It sounds like you just wanted to get that off of your chest, so I won’t say too much but please let me know if you want to talk about it or think of ways to handle your feelings or the situation.  I’m wishing the best for both of you and thank you for sharing your feelings here <3


I always manage to gain weight back just in time for summer clothes.  

Holla at not “getting skinny for summer.”  

Just ignore me crying a little.

"Hi, I'm starting to get better and i'm exercising to tone up my stomach :D Pilate's and sit-ups with some combat thrown in. I was just wondering if it takes longer than normal to tone or whether in a months time or so i should start to see the change in my tummy. I've been following a meal plan and exercising for 16 days now" With love, Anonymous.

Hi, I’m glad to hear that you’re doing better.  I hope you’ve cleared starting to exercise with someone like a doctor, nutritionist, or therapist.  I don’t really offer exercise/toning up advice in general.  It can take longer to build muscle if your body is trying to repair the damage caused by restricting or being malnourished, because all your cellular energy tends to be going towards that.  It’s probably best to ask someone else about these things, sorry.

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it..

You cannot solve a problem with the same mind that created it..

(via livelionhearted)

(Source: anatomy-of-recovery, via heartandchaos)

"If someone had thought processes consistent with an eating disorder but did not act on that thinking, would it still be considered an ed?" With love, Anonymous.

No, the criteria for diagnosing eating disorders always includes a behavioral component.  However, the individual could be diagnosed with another mental illness.  For example, an individual with intrusive and obsessive thoughts about food and eating might be diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder, since OCD can be characterized by obsessions, compulsions, or both.  It can be primarily obsessional in some cases and people may have intrusive thoughts that are very upsetting.  Someone could also have body dysmorphic disorder and have a strong anxiety or preoccupation about a perceived defect or defects in their body.  In any case, whether or not someone fits the criteria for having an eating disorder, being tormented by negative obsessive thoughts is something to take seriously and seek treatment for.  You don’t need an eating disorder diagnosis in order to feel better.  Take your thoughts seriously because you could also be in a higher risk position for developing an eating disorder.  Hope this helps!

Ootd, one of my new ModCloth Stylish Surprise dresses with a blazer from Anthropologie and flats from JCrew.

I just had dinner with my ex.  I’m not sure how I feel.  I think I feel detached.  We wandered through the asian grocery store after dinner and he bought me a gigantic bag of like 50 fortune cookies just because I thought it was funny and I wanted to just keep opening fortunes until I got everything I needed.