So on my second to last day at my old job I was helping a customer who was giving me a weird vibe and asking questions about things intermittently so I’d have to stay around. Then he just says "And you also have a nice body." as if it was a continuation of some previous sentence. And I just froze up and instead of saying anything reasonable I just said "Yes. I do." and walked away.
OOTD for my last day at my old job. I felt really sad and empty when I left. I feel like I’m never in one place for long enough. A year was a long time for me. My coworkers were in my life every day. We lived our lives side by side and then everything changes and that’s just not how things are going to be from now on. I’m sad to be leaving the sexuality field. There was a lot of freedom of expression and thought that won’t be part of my new job. I really value what I’m going to be doing but I will be missing these things. I’m going to be bringing as much of the that with me as I can.
Change is hard. Change is scary. Change is sad. It’s good too. It’s hard.
Lately I haven’t felt like a person with an eating disorder.
Is it a trick?
Hi, hi, hi! I’m back from vacation and in for a week of crazy because I’m starting my new job tomorrow and working at my old job through Saturday. I also have an exam on Friday. Sooooo…. crazy? I’ve given myself permission to take a cab home from work on days when I’m starting at 7 and getting off my second job at 9:30 or 10, and to buy any foods I need instead of packing them for this week. I had to say goodbye to my boss today because we won’t be in together again. I’m teaching my last class tomorrow.
Everything is changing and change is hard. I need to keep my head from running off. I need to not let things fall apart.
I’m blurry but cute!!
I’m leaving tomorrow to go for a weekend trip with B, so I won’t be online much. I’m hoping it’ll be exactly what we need to relax, recharge, and connect.
I have only 5 more working days at my current job!! This morning I had my checkup with employee health at my new job and I got “NOT CLEARED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE,” so I had to get a bunch of stuff from my various doctors about being healthy and fit to work. I feel like I wanted to just lie and make things easier but I guess I didn’t. They were mainly worried about the ehlers Danlos, not the anorexia since my weight is good. It’s pretty much sorted out now. I am required to wear a special respirator in rooms with respiratory protocols because of my heart condition. A normal respirator might put too much stress and increase my heart rate.
I think Trader Joe’s has come out with a truly absurd number of pumpkin things so I decided not to participate in the madness. But somehow I came home with these, pumpkin butter, and crackers with pumpkin seeds and dried cranberries. Oops.
REASONS WHY COMFORT DOGS SHOULD BE ALLOWED AT MY SCHOOL
Did you know that dogs are great companions for treating stress, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. Many universities have created “Dog rooms” as a way for students to relieve stress before exams.
Ahhh I’ve never lived with a dog before and when I came home sobbing today the pup came and gave me a million kisses and it was so unexpected!! Bless this pup even though he is a terror.
Okay, so today was awful. Awful, really, really bad. I feel like a totally ineffectual human. I finally got a call back from Occupational Health about my pre-hire appointment, when I am supposed to get my tb test and physical. I gave them my availability about 2 weeks ago but this is the first time they have called me and basically said, ” well, we can only see you this Friday but we can’t do your TB test then, so you’ll have to pay to get it done somewhere else today, otherwise you’ll have to push back your start date.” They told me that all CVS pharmacies did TB tests (this is false) then when I convinced her she was wrong, she gave me the address for one with a minute clinic. Too bad it was the wrong address. I was on the phone trying to work things out with them all morning and all through my lunch break. I left early from work to get there in time and even took a cab so I could be sure to get in since it’s a walk-in. My cab dropped me off in entirely the wrong spot, and so I ended up walking lost and alone down the side of the highway. I tried to see if I could walk to the correct address but it was 3.3 miles away and I couldn’t get another cab. So I tried literally all day to get this fixed and I failed hardcore. I now have two more things to do in the two most impossible weeks after wasting my one evening of time that I was going to use to get groceries. So, I have no food here.
Part of me feels this incredible need to self harm and punish myself for my failings and part of me feels like I deserve to buy myself something from Lush or another treat because things have been so hard. IDK.
Not even feeling a bit triggered by this entire stats lecture being about body fat %, BMI, weight, obesity, abdomen measurement, etc. Like, somehow I feel nothing. I think the professor has done a really good job of helping with that.
I love that bloating in recovery/ bloating anorexia/ anything involving bloating and eating disorders are the most common search terms that lead people to my tumblr. Lol.
I’m missing the summer already.