Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.

Also, I’m sexy in bed wearing my compression stockings because I have hella edema in my ankles/legs.

Let’s play Ehlers Danlos or Eating Disorder!

OOTD is more exciting when I don’t have most of my clothes or a mirror and still have to fit dress code.  It’s looking a little silly.  Yay.  

Can I be done with moving yet?  At least I bought food today to keep at work for my insane hours, so I can now have two meals and a snack at work, even if nothing else works out in my day.  I got yogurts, kiwi, bagels from the real bagel place, lunchmeat, butter, banana bread, some trader joe’s frozen meals, odwalla supplement protein shakes, and chocolate covered sunflower seeds.

Well… packing… ootd… I could really be happy with not moving so frequently.  It will be a miracle if I make it through the next two weeks with my increased work hours, moving to my new place, thinking about career stuff, an interview, my birthday, starting this clinical trial, and not crashing and burning emotionally. 
Wish for my miracle?

Well… packing… ootd… I could really be happy with not moving so frequently.  It will be a miracle if I make it through the next two weeks with my increased work hours, moving to my new place, thinking about career stuff, an interview, my birthday, starting this clinical trial, and not crashing and burning emotionally. 

Wish for my miracle?

Why haven’t they found a way for my anxiety to power a hydroelectric plant or something?  I’m pretty sure it’s an unlimited source of raw potential energy that’s just sitting here in my chest.

My pain clinic nurse weighed me “wrong” (in sneakers and jacket, not light clothes or gown without shoes, and then rounded down arbitrarily to account for it).  

And that’s okay.  It didn’t feel okay at first but I wasn’t about to freak out at a nurse who had no idea about eating disorders and “weigh-in protocols.” It’s okay even though it’s permanently written somewhere as part of my records. 

Numbers don’t have to be “real” because I’m not a calculator or a math problem.  There is no “ONE REAL TRUE WEIGHT.”  My weight is not a higher power or a truth of the universe.

Cupcake selfie!  
Today’s flavor is pink lemonade!
Today’s theme is getting through the day!

Cupcake selfie!
Today’s flavor is pink lemonade!
Today’s theme is getting through the day!

I’m having awful relationship stuff right now and feel like it’s everything falling apart, so I could use some love tonight.  

And I’m getting weighed and have to face my parents, who are only in town for the weekend, in the morning and pretend to be okay?  I’m sorry for being needy.

I finally ran my errands and then took advantage of tax-free weekend and an old gift card to get a new lipstick. It’s the Bite High Pigment Pencil in Tart.

I could smell my housemate cooking at 1 am and I was really hungry and trying to ignore it because I’d already had my meals for the day. So I went and ate pasta and now I’m eating it and it’s 1:40 am. I always feel like I’m binging when I eat late even though I know that this is NOT TRUE (binging has never been part of my ed), so I’m working through it to feed myself even though I am not sure it was the right call because I could have just gone to sleep. Idk.

I literally live so close to the fro-yo place that I can still get my house’s wifi from there.

I literally live so close to the fro-yo place that I can still get my house’s wifi from there.

Ootd.
Yesterday I accidentally found out my weight because the nurse left my chart open next to the bed.  I am realizing that not knowing is unpleasant but knowing seems to trigger more thoughts of using behaviors.  It doesn’t even matter if the number is lower or higher; the effect seems to be the same.  B is mad that I looked.

Ootd.
Yesterday I accidentally found out my weight because the nurse left my chart open next to the bed. I am realizing that not knowing is unpleasant but knowing seems to trigger more thoughts of using behaviors. It doesn’t even matter if the number is lower or higher; the effect seems to be the same. B is mad that I looked.

I’m treating myself to my favorite cupcake since I had to do all the medical stuff this morning and got stuck with needles.

I’m treating myself to my favorite cupcake since I had to do all the medical stuff this morning and got stuck with needles.

I went to the Apple Store to get everything on my laptop fixed, since the warranty is expiring in a week and they are going to have to wipe my hard drive. I have it backed up and hopefully that will work but there is a part of me that is totally terrified of losing my body-checking photos. But if they were gone they would just be gone and maybe I would be at peace with that.

So we had a surprise hail storm today… and my housemates had a party last night and left all of our wooden dining room chairs out on the balcony, so I guess I’m glad to be moving and I’m glad they’re not my damn chairs.

So we had a surprise hail storm today… and my housemates had a party last night and left all of our wooden dining room chairs out on the balcony, so I guess I’m glad to be moving and I’m glad they’re not my damn chairs.

I was a mess earlier from my difficult day and the message I got but now I feel like you guys have given me the biggest hug.  I feel so blessed.  Thank you.  For every negative word, you all give me a million positive ones.