Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
Just casually got my first vaccination in 6 years

Fuck off, needle phobia. But I actually think I might pass out now.

This is kind of a big deal for me.

beautifully-unbroken:

I was tagged by the lovely beautifully-unbroken


Rules: Just insert your answers to the questions below. Tag at least 10 followers. *I would like to add that you should feel free not to answer anything you don’t want to*

name: Jules

Nickname: Well… that name is a nickname actually.

Birthday: September 3

Gender identity: Female


Sexuality: I came out as bisexual a really long time ago but I think the label pansexual/queer feels more comfortable now.  I usually use queer.

Height: 5’7” on a good spine day

Time Zone: eastern standard 


Time and Date: 10:11 pm October 1st, 2014


Average hours of sleep: 5-8

OTPs: Ummmm… not sure anymore.  My all-time (canon) OTP are Will and Lyra from His Dark Materials.

What I last said to a family member: “I love you too”


One place that makes me happy and why: I love california because I have such good memories of going there

How many blankets I sleep with: three— one comforter, one fuzzy blanket, and one bedspread.  I can’t sleep with any air flowing through the blankets.

Favorite beverage: Iced coffee, preferably with a flavor.  Or horchata.

The last movie I watched in the Cinema: Boyhood


Three things I can’t live without: PJs, my denim jacket, mimi

Something I plan on learning: Math… like really, I need to learn to do math.  All of it.

A piece of advice for all of my followers: You don’t have to be who you are supposed to be or who you were.  You have the ability to change things at any moment in your life.  Doors may be forever closed for you, but that doesn’t mean that you’re out of options.  Also, this is frequently said, but it does get better.  Basically this poem by Mary Oliver:

Wild Geese


You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
For a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about your despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting —
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.

You have to listen to these songs: Every Other Freckle (alt-j), The Twist (Metric), Stolen Dance (Milky Chance), Do I Wanna Know? (Arctic Monkeys), Creep in a T-Shirt (Portugal. The Man), Riptide (Vance Joy)

I now tag deathcab-fornicole, thesunwill—rise, eileenisrecovering, neonelephantintheroom, grabbing-onto-life, wanderingworthlessandweightless, recoverylifeandcats, queerlittleshit, mae-the-brave, thisfeministmadeline

PS, I’m super shy about tagging people in these things, so this is actually the first one I’ve ever done so feel free not to respond!!!!

Excuse my fails at sassiness.  Today was a long day.

Transitions are hard.  Like, really hard for me.  I have 13 days left at my current job right now.  I didn’t really stand up for my needs because I didn’t want to screw over my coworkers and so now I’m working in the evenings while I train for my new job in a few weeks.  All this is boring, I guess.  I feel like learning to live is just as much a part of recovery as fear foods and weigh-ins but no one probably wants to hear about it.  I had crepes for breakfast for no particular reason except that I felt like it.  I’m approved for accommodations to take the GRE.

Me to the boyfriend: Ahhh accidently on a thinspo blog,
1-800-OOPS-THINSPO!!!
Boyfriend: Oh no, but that's more than 10 numbers for a phone number.
Me: It's thinspo. None of the numbers are real.

Life etc.

I can’t wait until I have a normal schedule at my new job.  I really feel like I need that in order to move forward with my mental and physical health.  Tomorrow is bogo frappuccino day, so there’s always that to look forward to…

Customer sized for an item which I warn them runs really small…Is sized as my size, coincidentally… Gets upset… Says she guesses she needs to start throwing up or something… Then says people who wear the smallest size must be freaks.
Good job, customer. You win my shit of the day award!

Hello Friends!

I apologize for being MIA recently.  I had some stuff going on that I had to keep private for professional reasons.  But that means that I have a big announcement!!

I have a new job!!!!!!!!!!!

I’m going to be doing audiology testing on newborns at a hospital.  I’m so excited and happy but everything has been very stressful to get to this point and quitting was not fun for anyone.  I feel like adulthood is hitting me hard in the face with these tough choices but I also feel very capable right now.  My anxiety level has been so, so, so intolerably high with all of this going on and I’m hoping to get some relief soon, especially as my new job will have better hours and schedules.  I’m super psyched to get to wear scrubs, lol!

Sending all my love and kisses,

Jules

So, what if I never want to wear an underwire bra again?  Like, even when my boobs get bigger?  I feel like not wearing one actually decreases my pain level.

"What is your biggest bersek button? What infuriates you to the point of yelling?" With love, Anonymous.

Haha, um, well, I feel like arming an internet with the potential use of the anon ask with what really sets me off is probably a bad plan!  I’m not really the type of person to yell, honestly.  One time I yelled about vaginas on the internet.  I guess people giving manipulative, intentionally false, or twisted information really sets me off.  As a scientific person, I take offense when people try to use facts or false info to manipulate people and things.  Idk.

Here, followers.  Have this blurry picture of me un-sexily biting my lip with a delicious ice cream sundae.

Here, followers.  Have this blurry picture of me un-sexily biting my lip with a delicious ice cream sundae.

Pretty damn miserable today

I keep having the thought of like, “Do I really need this food?  Couldn’t I just not have it and that would be fine, because I’m more comfortable with the idea of denying myself something?  Not every single other person on earth would choose to have this food at this time, so I shouldn’t have it either.” but like… an eating disorder literally a DEADLY ILLNESS.  

Every time I’m presented with this dilemma, I need to remind myself that every time I choose not to eat because it would feel comfortable and safe, I am actually choosing death.  Every single choice, every single time.  When it’s like, have some cookies or death, the choice seems a bit easier for me to make.  Just some thoughts…

Ootd: Betsey Johnson princess dress from the thrift store, extreme body dissatisfaction, and a bit of this morning’s coffee.

I had a free birthday drink on my Starbucks card, so naturally I got the biggest one possible since it was free.  I’m really exhausted with the hours I’ve been working.  I just want a day to curl up in bed.  I have been having a lot of food, hunger, and body anxiety, although I haven’t been acting on it.  It sucks to have that in my day.

I had a free birthday drink on my Starbucks card, so naturally I got the biggest one possible since it was free. I’m really exhausted with the hours I’ve been working. I just want a day to curl up in bed. I have been having a lot of food, hunger, and body anxiety, although I haven’t been acting on it. It sucks to have that in my day.

Simple vanilla cupcake selfie today. I brought in a dozen cupcakes for my coworkers yesterday since we were short staffed and running a special event.