Anatomy of Recovery


Pro-Recovery
I'm Jules, a 22 year old recent college graduate. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

Email Me at anatomy.of.recovery@gmail.com

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.
Ughhhh, there are literally these colored dots on all the foods with all the calorie and fat info that you have to reach past to get the foods.
Fuck off Harvard, you don’t know me, you don’t know my lifeeeeeee

Ughhhh, there are literally these colored dots on all the foods with all the calorie and fat info that you have to reach past to get the foods.
Fuck off Harvard, you don’t know me, you don’t know my lifeeeeeee

I wandered around Anthropologie for an hour yesterday looking for something “self-care-y” to get with my gift card.  I eventually settled on this matte red lipstick which makes me feel like a badass.  I feel pretty crappy right now.  Gaining weight feels bad.  My therapist and I decided that it wouldn’t be good for me to go back to that nutritionist and I don’t feel ready to try and find yet another new one right now.  She wants me to go inpatient for depression/ed but doesn’t trust that there is anywhere that will give me the care that she wants me to have.  She also said I could go home for a while.  Neither of these things are actually options.  I’m an adult with a job and an apartment and rent.  I can’t just disappear for however long.  My weight is okay and my insurance would never cover things without “medical need”.  I’m not using symptoms— I’m just feeling crappy about the fact that I’m not using symptoms.  Anyway, I guess I’m fine because I’m always fine.

B likes my weight gain a WHOLE LOT.  Sometimes that helps and sometimes it makes me feel worse.

I wandered around Anthropologie for an hour yesterday looking for something “self-care-y” to get with my gift card.  I eventually settled on this matte red lipstick which makes me feel like a badass.  I feel pretty crappy right now.  Gaining weight feels bad.  My therapist and I decided that it wouldn’t be good for me to go back to that nutritionist and I don’t feel ready to try and find yet another new one right now.  She wants me to go inpatient for depression/ed but doesn’t trust that there is anywhere that will give me the care that she wants me to have.  She also said I could go home for a while.  Neither of these things are actually options.  I’m an adult with a job and an apartment and rent.  I can’t just disappear for however long.  My weight is okay and my insurance would never cover things without “medical need”.  I’m not using symptoms— I’m just feeling crappy about the fact that I’m not using symptoms.  Anyway, I guess I’m fine because I’m always fine.

B likes my weight gain a WHOLE LOT.  Sometimes that helps and sometimes it makes me feel worse.

It’s 3:09 am and I’m struggling with a particularly chronic pain day from my Ehlers Danlos and I want to get up and have the Ben & Jerry’s that I have in the freezer…

Post-being weighed and peeing in a cup, pre-hearing my weight and seeing my nutritionist.  I am not thrilled right now.
I also forgot that I get to do underwear weights here and accidentally wore a very lacy thong, so, my apologies Children’s Hospital.  I’m just going to watch spongebob in the waiting room and try not to guess my weight.

Post-being weighed and peeing in a cup, pre-hearing my weight and seeing my nutritionist. I am not thrilled right now.
I also forgot that I get to do underwear weights here and accidentally wore a very lacy thong, so, my apologies Children’s Hospital. I’m just going to watch spongebob in the waiting room and try not to guess my weight.

Not having my scale or access to a scale makes me want to throw myself to the floor and have a temper tantrum like a 3 year old, tbqh.

I have to remember that I chose this because I knew I would have moments like this.

Maybe the hypomania is coming back a bit because I’ve been spending a lot of money in the past week.

  • $100 on pants and skirts for work in the summer at H&M
  • $15 on sale tights and makeup stuff I didn’t need at Urban Outfitters
  • $50 on two GRE prep books
  • $40 including shipping on 5 of the ModCloth Stylish Surprise items

I feel like this is a lot but I haven’t bought anything at all in a while.  I know it’s not a totally absurd amount either.  I’m nervous that I’ve spent so much and know that hypomania isn’t a good thing, but I’m hoping for a reprieve from the depression.  Idk.

I think I have strep even though I don’t have tonsils anymore!

D:

Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream with fresh strawberries (afternoon snack)

Ben and Jerry’s Chocolate Therapy ice cream with fresh strawberries (afternoon snack)

"Are you still with your boyfriend? And also, if you don't mind me asking, is there a certain sexual orientation that you identify with at this point in time? Also, I have a major crush on you." With love, Anonymous.

Haha, oh goodness, thank you.  Too cute!!  I’m not still with the person I was dating when I started this blog.  We broke up after 7 years last August.  You’ll see him referred to in old posts as P.  I’m dating someone I refer to as B now.  We’ve been dating for a few months and have been friends for a long time.

I came out as bisexual when I was 15, and I guess I identify with that but times have changed in the past 8ish years, and I now have a lot more words at my disposal for defining my sexual orientation.  I guess nowadays I use queer most frequently, bisexual for the convenience of others, and pansexual is probably the most “accurate.”

To Do Today:
  • Make appointment with the psychiatrist
  • Make appointment with Medical Genetics
  • Do laundry
  • Get all the dishes out of my room
  • Pay parking ticket
  • Move spring clothes into room
  • Start a sell/give away bag for clothes
  • Answer tumblr messages
  • Throw away trash in room
  • Mail birthday card for Dad
  • Shower
  • Deposit check
  • Eat the foods.

To my dear followers,

Tomorrow I FINALLY have a day off without appointments, so I’ll be spending a good chunk of time answering the questions that have piled up in my inbox.  I appologize for any delay— things have been a bit crazy.  Feel free to send a message and I’ll reply tomorrow.

Love,
Jules

Rocking some new me-sized clothing from H&M at work.  I always find that store very challenging because the size numbers are always higher, since it’s European.  I decided not to even try things on below a certain number.  No need to get upset.  I even bought some pants that I can wear for work when it gets warm.  Please, Spring, come now!

Rocking some new me-sized clothing from H&M at work. I always find that store very challenging because the size numbers are always higher, since it’s European. I decided not to even try things on below a certain number. No need to get upset. I even bought some pants that I can wear for work when it gets warm. Please, Spring, come now!

I can’t wait until this current bout of depression lifts.  I know it’s going to pass but I hate the waiting and not knowing how long it will be before I can resume my regularly scheduled emotional life.

Breakfast was a strawberry, mango, banana smoothie and a sweet panini, which was mascarpone cheese and fig jam pressed in brioche bread and sprinkled with powdered sugar.
Guess who is going to the nutritionist tomorrow morning?
 This lady.  
I have to decide whether I want to switch to blind weights.

Breakfast was a strawberry, mango, banana smoothie and a sweet panini, which was mascarpone cheese and fig jam pressed in brioche bread and sprinkled with powdered sugar.

Guess who is going to the nutritionist tomorrow morning?

 This lady.  

I have to decide whether I want to switch to blind weights.