Anatomy of Recovery

I'm Jules, a 23 year old recent college graduate, currently working and applying for grad school. I was diagnosed with anorexia nervosa when I was 14. I'm 100% committed to recovery because I know how amazing it can be. This blog is about my journey and any help and inspiration I can offer others on their own journeys.
I tag all my personal pics "julespic" so that you can block the tag if you find them triggering. I also tag all photos of food with the "food" tag in case they are triggering to you.

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Theme by @yosoyprincesa.

I’m back home for a week and it’s going pretty well so far.  Today I made my family a beautiful breakfast for dinner; a summer frittata and oven french toast with strawberries.  My mom was even willing to eat the entire dinner as long as I didn’t salt it or put anything with salt in it.  My sister was willing to eat it as long as I didn’t use cream in the french toast.  Such is family.  Sigh.  My mom would NEVER have had this a few years ago.  Never.  So there are things to be thankful for, certainly.

My mom also got me this super super adorable cat necklace at Target.  It’s amazing how exciting Target becomes when you never get to go to it.

This is my angel <3

If only I could control when my body is perceived as sexy and when it wasn’t.  And save that for only safe spaces.

Today marks exactly 40 days since I last knew my weight.  I just happened to decide to count this afternoon.

Thrift store haul from today!!!

I got an amazing brown leather vintage coach briefcase to carry my GRE books and laptop in, and three dresses.  It was a bit of a splurge; about $45 total.  It’s the kind of thrift store where you can’t try anything on but I got really lucky today.  The only one I don’t love is the rosy colored one.  (PS all machine washable!!!!)

Soooo… self care?  I finished it off with a bubble tea.


I’m thinking of posting a daily cute animal photo.

I think that would be a happy thing for me.

You guys game?

I will be starting the Nightly Cute Report tonight and running it for the next 30 days.  Prepare yourselves!

Welcome to my not very well balanced lunch! I think it suited me just fine. The ice cream and berries are from the farmers market across from my work and the smoothie is almond and banana protein.

You guys are so sweet. I’m blushing. Thank you so much

I think I deserve a gold fucking star for every day I go without breaking down and buying another scale.  This stuff is seriously hard and I feel like my brain is on fire every day.

So yeah.  I need gold stars.

It&#8217;s looking like this is going to be my walk to work this morning&#8230;
I love storms, but yikes!

It’s looking like this is going to be my walk to work this morning…

I love storms, but yikes!

(Source: oneuniver5e, via ifoundabird)

So, I learned today that I have osteopenia, which is low bone density, pre-osteoporosis.  I’m really shocked because I got a DEXA after my major relapse two years ago and was fine.  I’m not sure if it’s because I’ve gone through so many minor cycles of minor relapse and recovery ever since and it’s just taken a toll or because I’m older and no longer able to increase my bone density just by weight restoring anymore.

I honestly just feel shocked.  For whatever reason I never thought I would have any health effects from my eating disorder.  I feel like it was never that bad.  I was never sick enough to have problems?  And that it’s been relatively under control for a while.

Why is my DEXA worse now now then it was when I was sicker two years ago?  Why now?  

Why was I dumb enough to believe that I’d never have more serious health complications from this?

I told my therapist that I wanted to switch to doing therapy every other week instead of every week because getting there on the bus and back literally takes up an entire afternoon and I really don’t have any afternoons to spare between working and trying to do adult things like buy groceries and make appointments.  She said we could skype every other week and I agreed.  She has always wanted to see me twice a week instead of once a week so I guess she wasn’t so hot on the idea of me moving to every other week.  She never charges me more for any of these things.

I watched the World Cup with a friend and ate french fries, so I’m going to declare today to be a successful day off.

I wish that my legs were any other way than the way that they are.

Everything else I feel like I can handle in terms of body image more or less.

My legs are really troubling me.

"Nice glasses maybe on a binder? Or hold them and not show your face? Who cares if your face is shown? You're beautiful!" With love, Anonymous.

I posted a pic of them a little while ago before I actually got them, like off of my face.  I just try to avoid connecting my face with this blog too much because I’m worried about potential future employers, since I share personal emotions as well as general info/inspiration on here.  I think I’ll post it to my secondary blog and then reblog it with texty post stuff.  That would feel safer to me.