My pain clinic nurse weighed me “wrong” (in sneakers and jacket, not light clothes or gown without shoes, and then rounded down arbitrarily to account for it).
And that’s okay. It didn’t feel okay at first but I wasn’t about to freak out at a nurse who had no idea about eating disorders and “weigh-in protocols.” It’s okay even though it’s permanently written somewhere as part of my records.
Numbers don’t have to be “real” because I’m not a calculator or a math problem. There is no “ONE REAL TRUE WEIGHT.” My weight is not a higher power or a truth of the universe.
The Scale Smashing Was A Success!
My friend B and I hiked out to Walden Pond and climbed down some rocks to the beach. It had just started to snow. I had covered the glass of the scale in Thoreau quotes the previous night. In order to smash it, we wrapped it in a sheet, put it inside a canvas bag, and put the bag in a backpack. Then we smashed the heck out of it on the rocks.
Remembering this today for some reason.
Today’s flavor is pink lemonade!
Today’s theme is getting through the day!
I’m having awful relationship stuff right now and feel like it’s everything falling apart, so I could use some love tonight.
And I’m getting weighed and have to face my parents, who are only in town for the weekend, in the morning and pretend to be okay? I’m sorry for being needy.
I literally live so close to the fro-yo place that I can still get my house’s wifi from there.
I’m treating myself to my favorite cupcake since I had to do all the medical stuff this morning and got stuck with needles.
"obviously do whatever you need to in order to feel healthy but I really appreciate your blog! I feel like some blogs post neg anon messages counterproductively but I've never felt you do. I've had eating issues essentially all my life from various reasons, and this summer I took a different approach to seeing recovery differently and you've helped a lot! Your responses are never condescending which I think is great and I think your blog is well run. Thank you and i hope you are doing well!!" With love, Anonymous.
I’m so honored to hear that I helped you in any way! Thank you very much for the message and for reading my blog. This was such a thoughtful thing to say, so I really appreciate it. Wishing you all the best <3
"dont you ever leave you are biggest role model and if you're gone tumblr isnt worth it for me anymore :(" With love, Anonymous.
Aww babe, I’m not leaving now and if I did, I’d certainly share contact info so we could stay in touch. I really appreciate the message and I’m sending all my love <3
I was a mess earlier from my difficult day and the message I got but now I feel like you guys have given me the biggest hug. I feel so blessed. Thank you. For every negative word, you all give me a million positive ones.
"You handle anon asks and comments with such grace, Jules even though you don't owe anyone explanations for anything on your blog, especially yourself. You help so many people with your unique, authentic view on recovery and life. Thank you for being here for all of us. I hope you are able to see how you help others through your responses and also personal posts. I've been following you for 2 years. Keep rockin on." With love, Anonymous.
Thank you for being there for me too. I really, really appreciate it. Two years is such a long time! That’s so cool :) If I’ve been able to help anyone, that’s the cherry on top of this experience. Thank you for the affirmations and for being there for me for so long. Sending much love <3
"We can unfollow if it's just too difficult for us in our current states. All that said, love and hugs--you are such a beautiful person. I hope you stay bright and move ever upwards." With love, Anonymous.
Love and hugs to you too. Thank you <3
And I absolutely encourage everyone to follow their own paths in terms of managing what content they see.
This is so thoughtful and positive!
Thursday August 7th
"Hey, I just wanted to say that I've been following you for a while and I think you are a truly amazing person. You have inspired me to keep going in my recovery multiple times and you are always so thoughtful in your answers. To think that you have such a wonderful presence and are still whittled down to your collarbone makes me so sad. All of your body, all of my body, all of anyone's body is good and whole and worthy of love. I guess I just want you to know that you are supported." With love, Anonymous.
I was crying from the negative message earlier and now I’m at it again because I’m getting such an outpouring of sensitive and thoughtful support. Thank you. Your support is important to me and your message really resonated with me. Thank you for following and thank you for this message. <3
"The patience, sympathy, and kindness with which you have been answering asks (especially lately) really impresses me and I want you to know that all you say should also be turned right back to you--this blog is for your benefit, in the end, and if that means showing a picture of yourself that makes you feel confident&elegant, then that is awesome. Triggers really are everywhere and especially as somebody recovering/in remission like yourself, you are under no obligation to remove things that (1)" With love, Anonymous.
are positive for you. I totally understand the reasoning behind the picture and i agree-the colouring is lovely and I like being able to connect with you as a person without having to invade your privacy. I know that recovery/relapse is difficult and I feel for these people that are struggling (I’m one of them! I know how it feels to long for collarbones etc.) but you need to be proud of your healthy body, whatever that may look like. Keep being strong and do whatever is best for you. (2)
You are a wonderful person and thank you for sending me this message. It was incredibly thoughtful and honest. It is so amazing to me that people send me messages like this. It’s really such a blessing. I’m wishing you all the best in the struggle that is recovery/relapse and I think that your insights into your own feelings as well as your compassion are fantastic signs that you’re doing important work to get better. Wishing you all the best <3